The title of this blog itself was intended to…call attention, let’s say, to the nature of information sharing, growth, and evolution that is happening in our world right now.
Also, it’s to mock people like me. So here we go: this is a day in my life. My life right now, as an “Unpaid, Freelance Writer/Blogger.”
3:15 AM: Alarm goes off on cell phone. This is my first warning to get up for work (ONLY if it is a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, sometimes Saturday. I don’t like to keep myself pinned down with too much work outside of my writing.) I turn my phone off and go back to sleep.
3:25 AM: Jump out of bed in a startling panic because alarm clock is going off. Press every button on alarm clock, turn every switch – alarm still won’t turn off. Finally turns off after my now fully awake mind turns the ON/OFF switch to OFF. Lay in bed for an extra thirty seconds, contemplating the real value of going to work in the most philosophical manner (what does money really mean anyway…). Fall back asleep.
3:55 AM: Wake up in another startling panic, realizing I only have five minutes to get to a job ten minutes away (having some job more than twenty minutes away from home? Not conducive to my process). Throw pants on I’ve worn to work for more than a week in a row, along with t-shirt of same wear (again – I go to work every other day). Grab two – no, three – fun size Snickers, a couple of pieces of gum to cover breath since I only brushed my teeth hours ago, and run out the door.
I guess it’s important to note sleep patterns here. On nights when I have work the next morning, I usually go to sleep two or three hours before I have to wake up, depending on how strenuous and engaging the video game I was playing the night before was. Mass Effect 2 has staying power.
4:05 AM: Get to work just before they close the doors and lock me out, thanking god the rear end on my car didn’t completely fall off as I sped there. My car is old enough to vote in the election this year. I hope it makes the right choice – it’s definitely in the 47th percentile.
4:15 AM: Mentally prepare myself for the barrage of innate conversation and cliche pleasantries a pure intellectual like me has no time for. I know a job like this doesn’t recruit the greatest minds of all time, but please. I assure myself the reason why I don’t talk to anyone, anywhere – especially at this job – is because I don’t find these people interesting enough to have a conversation with. My time is too valuable to waste on arguing Coke vs. Pepsi, or the merits of Will Smith’s early rapping career.
None of this has anything to do with my cripplingly deficient social skills. None of this.
6:00 AM: Almost two hours have gone by with nary a sound. I am pleased. Though the girl helping me unload this pallet is talking to herself and doesn’t understand how the aisles are “all odd numbers,” I have taught myself how to ignore this. I am a dick…and I don’t mind that so much. After all, when I’m a famous writer, she’ll have a story to tell her friends about how we shared time together instead of that other story she told twice today about the Barbie doll she got when she was six, and banged around by its legs because she “doesn’t like dolls.” Good for her.
6:30 AM: The rest of the work crew joins to finish working on our unloading project. It’s just unloading a truck, but these people treat it with such care and attention! Why? What does this really matter in the scheme of your life??? Internal monologues too philosophical to share with co-workers. They wouldn’t understand.
6:30-8:00 AM: Pretend to laugh at everything each of my co-workers say. They think everything they say is funny. None of it is. “Hey, I’ll get rid of your wife for you.” “Can you get rid of my in-laws too? HAHAHA Hey Carol, did you hear what I said??? I said, ‘Can you get rid of my in-laws too!’ HAHAHA!”
Also, this is apparently where all my Skyrim brethren congregate.
8:15 AM: Sneaking out of work, though technically I was supposed to be done at 8. God, don’t they know I have things to do? Haven’t seen the boss in a few minutes. The truck isn’t completely done, but I am. Punch out; keep hat on and head down to avoid possible eye contact as I sprint to the “consenting adult” car to rush home.
8:30 AM: No one else is home, and it’s early. I suppose I can waste a little bit of time, watch some SportsCenter, and drink some Faygo. I have all day to write. (Didn’t brush teeth yet either – there’s more gum at home).
11:45 AM: Wake up from totally unexpected nap (totally expected it). Feign anger at myself for wasting the morning. It’s too late to brush my teeth now. Might as well go back to my room to start working on writing! (Note: on non-working days, this is the normal wake up time.)
12:00 PM: Lunch Break.
1:00-4:30 PM: Brainstorming session! The perfect time to stay inside, away from the Sun. Come up with one or two ideas to write about – possibly write them both down, probably not. Begin pre-writing for novel idea. You know, the novel where I write about that totally great trip across the country I took almost exactly four years ago? (In reality, I only drove with a friend across the country to drop off a car for his uncle, but pictures and stories make it out to be a far more enriching experience than it actually was. Also, I just finished “On the Road,” and…it’s okay. A little too naive in my view. Kerouac’s okay I guess.)
Also, combined with writing: one or two (three) games of Madden. This third Franchise I’ve started with the Browns is definitely my favorite one yet, and it’s only two years in!
4:30-9:00 PM: Feel a little bit of shame, and a little bit of regret when family comes home from work. They aren’t doing what they want to do with their lives just yet (that’s a little reassuring), but they have more money than me and I need to buy stuff. I feel proud of the pre-writing I got done today, and will definitely let my girlfriend know when she gets done with work and calls me. Yeah, she may be younger than me and have her master’s degree before I have my bachelors and, yeah, she may be working twice as hard as me at a job she hates three times as much as I hate mine, for three times the hours, while still working every night to find a job, but she can’t be upset at me when I tell her how much I got done today. She’ll be so proud!
9:00 PM – 2:00 AM: The Sun is down, so that means it’s too late to continue working. Now I can finally go back to getting through Season Two of this new Madden Franchise, finish watching Season Two of Archer on Netflix for the -teenth time (when is Season Three coming out Netflix! Get it together!), finish beating Mass Effect 2 with my new female Shepard in the Soldier class, and possibly finish watching The Piano. Is Holly Hunter really playing the piano???
2:30 AM: Brush my teeth.
And so, there, in a nutshell, is how I’ve spent pretty much every day since getting back home from Michigan, having to live separately from my girlfriend who I lived happily with for two years while in Michigan, and still without my Bachelor’s degree. But, as you can see, I am definitely on the right track.