The Need to Maintain Balance…

(Quick note:  I know I’m not in the proper frame of mind to write this post right now – I haven’t done anything all day and my mind is a hideous blob.  In any case, I wanted to write this thing the other day, as it applied to everything I have been thinking about vaguely for a month.  Thus is the way of my world right now.  I am afraid I will be too brief, and not nearly as clever as I would like to be when talking about this though, as per reasons previously stated.  So I’ll probably write about it later as well.  So here we go – on with the ellipses connecting to the title…)

…in order to maintain harmony in our world.  With every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction.

And no, this has nothing to do with watching The Dark Knight Rises a couple nights in a row.

As I have mentioned before on this, I felt like the followers on my page were merely fabrications by WordPress in order to get me excited about my writing, and thus continue to use their product.  I know, it is a stupid conspiracy theory, and a pretty lame one, but I decided to inspect a few of my “followers” on this.

It turns out they are real – dreadfully real.  I will not mention names, but there was one blog from one of those people in particular that infuriated me.  Incidentally, it was a blog created with the singular goal of attempting to shock those who read it…for one reason or another.

I was not offended by what was put on this blog.  Not much at all these days offends me.  What offended me was the notion of this person who was writing this:  they created this blog in order to write inflammatory things, with only the intention of offense.  They have no real purpose in writing the things they do; therefore, they are the shittiest form of shock author that exist in this world.

They are the kind of person who will write “racist shit” “sexist shit” “mindless bigotry” (insert any you may wish) on their page without purpose.  Without context.  Without responsibility.  What is their intention?  They have none.  I have found this irresponsibility of language and its use upsetting for years, because it is merely a desperate attention-seeking device; the simplest way to cause a fuss with the “common folk” and their sensibilities.

We know these people well.  There is a time and place for such language, such dramatic actions in true art or true events, but not as a way for someone to shove their stupid face in your life.

Simple rule:  there is no good reason to use the image of a swastika.  Not to explain it “really was an image of peace and good nature before the Nazis ruined it;” not to try to shock people into thinking someone “is” a Nazi.  There is no middle ground with fire:  if you don’t use it responsibly, you deserve to burn in it.

People like this tend to see the world in a way that most of us do, but don’t understand how many of us really do see it this way.  They believe they are special – they believe they need to show everyone what they see – which is something we have already seen and either accepted, or fought against and made our peace with, whether negatively or positively.  These people have, for the first time, seen the imbalance rampant in the world, and work stupidly to try to gain attention, rather than trying diligently and maturely trying to move forward and solve a problem.

That problem we find is the imbalance in most everything we come in contact with in this world.  The disputes we face:

Socially – everything we face in our world is a conflict.  Can we stop with the swastikas then?

Politically – the world begets FoxNews, FoxNews begets MSNBC – and really, can we stop with the swastikas?

Everyday life – “Who put this picture of a swastika on my computer…and why can’t I get rid of it?!”

Everything we face; everything we encounter in our lives demands a sense of equilibrium.  When that equilibrium is challenged, we fight as much as we feel it is necessary to return the harmony of our world.

I will say that I was possibly the young swastika idiot in my life years ago.  I would have probably been worse, if not for my crippling lack of social skills.  I was constantly in battle with everything at that prime age of my life: the Yankees were in the midst of their string of four World Series titles in five years (or three in four, I don’t remember exactly and I don’t want to look it up).  It was the late nineties, and Derek Jeter became the Angel of New York.  Because he was the Angel there, apparently it made him everyone’s in the rest of the country.  We had no say in the matter:  Derek Jeter was God – get used to it.

Naturally I revolted.  I am an Indians fan:  “Omar is one hundred times the defensive player Derek is!”  I was not a Yankees fan:  “Hell, Nomar is a far better all-around player!”  I yelled at the TV – I yelled at Derek Jeter in particular.  “WHY DO YOU THINK YOU’RE THE GREATEST???  WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING YOU’RE THE BEST???”

I relate this period of time in my life to the times when I would watch my dad get angry at the computer (for going too slow; for the swastikas he couldn’t get rid of) and hitting the monitor to make it go faster.  I did it.  We all did it.  “Don’t kill the messenger.”  I didn’t want to kill the messenger – I wanted to kill the subject of the message.  With the overabundance of love heaped upon Derek Jeter, I had to fight back.  I had to return the world to its balance.

I hated people for being loved so much by everyone; I loved people for being hated so much by everyone.  I did this for years.  There have been separate times in my life I have equally hated – and loved – Steven Jackson (love him now).  The same thing happened in movies, and actors.  I used to watch the Academy Awards with an unreasonable amount of vitriol coursing through my veins:  first at the overflowing decadence of the pre-show, where the rich and famous would trounce around in overly elaborate costumes, ordained with praise from screaming fans and ass-kissing media types who would applaud them for being able to recite someone else’s lines in front of a camera.  I hated them outside.

Then I would cheer them inside – when the ones who I thought “deserved to win” won.  Ones who had an outside chance; ones who I believed should win when others didn’t.

I was an idiot, and I went about trying to restore balance in my life through avenues like the one idiot person who follows me on this blog.

It has only recently occurred to me, within the past few years (well beyond the time when I knew everything) the nature of the messenger, the message, and the imbalance.

Everyone is on one side or another.  You either love or hate Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson.  Seth MacFarlane.  Don’t kill the messenger, kill the subject.  You either love or hate Derek Jeter, gun control, art.  Subjects in our world these days have slid tightly to the middle of the scale, with our weights moving farther and farther out to the edges.

But was it the subject that needed restoring?  I learned, even before balance, many years ago that Derek Jeter was not the one who was saying how great he was to the world.  Some people do this and, yes, they deserve to be chastised for that.  Actors and actresses seem to be some of the greatest offenders, and it is not far one would have to look on the internet to find some young idiot waving a swastika at their effigy.

No more swastikas.  I promise.  I’m done shocking you.

I learned only recently that despite all my ranting, all my anger, and all my attempts, I have never been able to return a balance to my outside world that is so important to all of us.  I haven’t been able to do this because I now know I have been fighting the wrong battle for years.

I’m not supposed to fight the subject.  I need to be fighting the message.  It is the message in this world that has been corrupting the balance in my life.  Messages that seek to drive the scales to topple over.  It is the nature of the message that seeks all of our imbalance, and in order to fight that we cannot feed it with our anger or our opposite reactions.  We have to use knowledge, compassion, patience…all that healthy shit.

We just need to seek balance to maintain balance.

And we can fix some of the messengers as well – some of those guys are just ridiculous.

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