After the Election

At this point in the morning I have only a few emotions left.  For the first time in my life, I am truly embarrassed to be an American.  I am embarrassed to show my face in public.  I know I didn’t vote for him, but it does not matter.  I didn’t work hard enough.  I didn’t try.  I didn’t do what I was supposed to do to not let this happen.  

 

My state.  I am embarrassed to be from Ohio.  I am embarrassed to be here for the first time in my life.  I never used to think of Ohio as flyover country, but now I think that’s what we should be.  

 

So white America was scared.  Scared of losing a country that wasn’t ever theirs to begin with.  Scared of losing their guns, but not scared enough of losing their voice.  So what if my dad, stepmom, uncles and aunts won’t be able to get or afford health care because they’re all old and unhealthy.  They’d rather have that then have a woman they unquantifiably call a liar in the same office.

 

I don’t know how they are going to be able to rationalize holding their nieces, their wives close and confidently say this is the man to lead them.  The man who wouldn’t even call them human, unless they were hot.

 

I feel in this moment like I do any time I get angry.  I feel foolish at my own anger, at its uselessness, and I feel empty inside.  I feel like my life has no meaning, if my strongest emotions covet no meaningful response.  Regardless of my fury, the monster still sits in the chair of a man now, who, once, justifiably, said he was unfit to be a president.  A man I respected.  A man who made me believe in the idea of America, an America where every voice can be heard and where we all look out for each other, regardless of what kind of sacrifice we would have to make in our own lives.

 

I truly, truly do not want to have children now.  Kiss grandkids goodbye.  As much as Ohio wanted to say it last night, this world does NOT revolve around you, or your sorry little house.  Your sorry little mind.  Your sorry little vote.

 

White people were scared of being a minority.  They were scared of being attacked on the streets just because they looked a certain way.  Please don’t profile me, you don’t know me.  It’s not fair to do that.  White people think Donald Trump will have their interests at heart.

 

Women and children do not exist.  Not as people.

 

I don’t even know what to say anymore.  I wanted to get this out of my head but I don’t know what to say anymore.  I’m very sad.  For the very first time in my life I feel my life doesn’t hold the value I thought it did.  Barack inspired me into feeling like I should do something, but I always felt comfortable knowing he was our leader, and he would take care of us.

 

The fucking people who didn’t like him didn’t like having a black man lead them.  I don’t fucking care what other bullshit reason they could come up with.

Now, I am afraid my life will be forfeit because I didn’t vote for a man who wants to jail his rivals.  You know, like a dictator.  I am furious he doesn’t consider Ashley an equal human being.  I’m lost when I think most of my family probably doesn’t think so either when they vote for a man like that.

 

I am scared into thinking I have to do something.  I am scared into thinking I better do something more, something useful with this worthless life of mine to try to make this a better place.  I can’t run, as much as I would like to.  I have to stay and fight, and that makes me feel like I have no choice but to give up my life for this.

 

And the old people who voted for him have made their statement.  They don’t give a fuck about the future.  They don’t care about their grandchildren, their young nieces and nephews.  They got mad at the fictional characters the television told them to be mad at.  These ignorant fucks got mad at Colin Kaepernick for kneeling because someone on the shouting box told them he didn’t like soldiers.  Nevermind how that doesn’t make any logical sense.  A black man is protesting them, get mad white people.  The NFL uses soldiers as props and as a recruiting tool, and our football teams are getting paid by the government to do so, but don’t be mad at that.  Be mad at the black man, the brown man.  Women.

 

White people.  Can I change my color?  It might be too dangerous to do that now anyway.  I can’t believe this.  I just can’t believe this.
Keep your fucking guns you fucking idiots.  What good is it going to do you against a fucking army.  I guess you can keep them to just shoot each other.

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